Monday, November 10, 2008

O.K. November, You Win.

I get it November, you're not going away any time soon. I've got to tell you though, I've spent quite some time thinking about you and dreading your arrival. I guess I was hoping you'd pack your bags this year and take a nice long trip somewhere. And yet here you are. All heart breaking, gut wrenching 30 days of you.

I guess you deserve some credit. After all, some good did come of you last year. Your cold winds ripped all the leaves off the trees. And with every bend I made to pick them up I was greeted by the sweet reminder of the life I had growing inside of me. That warming pinch of the new baby belly was so comforting.

And then there was the last time I heard Leah's heart beat. I was so relieved and thankful to hear that sound. Just that very morning was the memorial service for hub's childhood friends little girl. She had died at 32 weeks due to a cord accident. And when I visited my O.B. that afternoon she reassured me how rare it was and that while nothing is guaranteed I was in the clear at this point. And with ease she found that little heart beating away. I could have listened to that soft thumping and swooshing for ever.

And then? Well. Then my whole world was turned upside down. And while it may not be your fault November, I wish you'd just hurry yourself along and let me get back to pretending all is well. Cause honestly? I don't think I have the strength to relive everything again.


Heather said...

Amy, I so wish you could skip November. Or that for the month, we could move in together and drink copious amounts of Cosmos and by the end of the month, you wouldn't even remember it. Love you girl.

Amy said...

mmmm... thanks Heatherm a cosmo induced coma sounds wonderful.