Are you a good decision maker? Are you able to make a choice easily and not look back on it and question it? I used to be. I had no problem when it came to making choices. But when Leah died I made so many poor decisions that now every choice I'm faced with is a major struggle.
It was freezing here this morning. 34 degrees when we had to leave for school. Which of course left me scrambling to find the winter coats. I found the Big Ones coat from last year, which fit Motor Mouth perfect. I found Motor Mouths coat from last year, which fit the Little One Perfectly. So that left the big one freezing his tush off on a sunny, almost winter morning. Nice one mom. I doubled him up in sweatshirts and headed straight to Kohl's after school drop off.
Kohl's is having a great sale right now, by the way. 50-55% off winter Coats. There was a great selection, but quite a few had those nice faux fur collars and hood lining. Ick. So I was able to narrow it down to 2 coats fairly easily. My two selections were one that was thinner but lined with triple fleece,which is supposed to be super warm. The other was a thick 3-in-1 coat by Nike. I liked them both. I couldn't decide. At all. I walked around Kohl's for an hour trying to decide. I called my husband so he could decide for me. You know, cause he's never even seen the coats, but I didn't care because then the decision wasn't on my shoulders. I finally chose the thinner one thinking it would be warm but more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I am making another trip to Kohl's tonight to exchange it for the other one.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, HELLO!, I need to be able to make day to day decisions. But most days even deciding what to make for dinner is overwhelming to me. It had gotten so bad for a while there that we were eating out or getting take out almost every night. I just can't seem to get past this though. I made some of the worst decisions when it mattered most. I failed Leah by not honoring as she deserved when she was born. So how am I to trust myself to make good decisions for my children who are still with me? It's been almost a year now, and instead of getting easier it's gotten harder.
I will create, not destroy
11 months ago